Be yourself….be yourself…

Have you ever seen the movie “Just Friends”?

If not, it really is worth the watch. I get so many good chuckles out of it.

Especially the part where Ryan Reynolds’ mom sings this song,

“Be yourseeeelllllffff, be yourselfffffff…”

That’s all the song is. She just stands there behind him, singing this over and over as if it’s encouraging.

It makes me laugh so hard because it’s the kind of goofy thing I would do (though I might not be as serious as her, or would I?). Who knew humor could speak such truth though?

Be yourself.

Life is a funny thing, ain’t it?

Sometimes I wonder what the ratio of life is between actual reality and a world that we create in our minds.

All of us carry around a mixed tape of messages (good and bad) that we have heard since childhood. The more we hear certains messages, the more we begin to believe that maybe that is the truth, regardless if it is reality or not.

Think about “American Idol” tryouts.

 It’s incredible how many untalented people were lied to all their lives by their parents and told that they should pursue singing because they had beautiful voices.

No. Someone should have told them to look into a career of miming. Please. For the sake of the children and the rest of us.

See?  Actual reality vs. a world molded from our minds.

I had a dose of this ratio today. Like, a BIG dose.

Ever since I was diagnosed with the inability to consume gluten and dairy, I have convinced myself in my brain that I miss certain foods because I need it. Or because I was used to eating it because I could.

Especially bread.

And I am not just talking about a loaf of bread, I’m talking about anything bread-y:

Cakes. Cupcakes. Muffins. You name it.

Anything sweet and dessert-y.

So to my delight, I was super excited to come across this recipe last night. Finally, something I could make that could replace my most favoritest loaf of olive oil and rosemary bread! I couldn’t wait to test it out (I followed the recipe exactly with the exception of replacing 1 Tb + 2 Tb water per egg and I added fresh rosemary at the end of mixing the dough).

Here is what it turned out looking like:

And it was good!!

So… my dose of reality, you ask?

Maybe my pouting for not being able to eat bread the way I used to enjoy it isn’t because I actually miss it but because I have conditioned myself to believe that I need it and I won’t feel satisfied unless I have it.

After my first bite tonight, I had realized, “I don’t even think that I really want bread anymore.” Isn’t that funny? The moment I realized that it is possible, I didn’t want anything to do with it. (???!!!)

I cannot tell you how many batches of bread, cupcakes, cake, cookies, and various other desserts that I have made over the past 2 months. None of which really did anything for me.

So it got me thinking about what it was like before I was diagnosed with my intolerances and it was the same thing.

Disinterest.

I enjoy the process of baking but let’s be honest, I don’t want to really eat it once I make it. And it goes to waste.

So why do I keep repeating the cycle? To impress everyone that I can bake?

But the funny thing is that baking isn’t even my strength.

Cooking is.

In my mind I have been thinking, “I have to bake! Everyone wants baked goods!” but my true self says, “No! I don’t want to!” I feel gross after I eat a lot of sugar, starches, yeast especially, and flours (regardless if they are gluten-free). I feel the difference in my body and I don’t like it. So do I keep trying to convert recipes that I myself don’t enjoy but feel everyone else will (a created world in my mind) or do I be true to myself and follow what my new taste buds crave (actual reality)?

My solution?

Listen to myself  and try something different.

I have a few Raw cookbooks on my shelf that are collecting dust that I have been thinking about for a loooooonnnnnggg time. What would happen if I started to stray away from the starches, sugars and flours, etc. and focused on more fresh ingredients that don’t make me feel yuck?

I think I am going to start experimenting…

Today at the Farmers’ Market, I realized that I bought almost all green foods. Ha.

(not intentional, I promise!)

 I actually made my menu plan for the week (which makes my O.C.D.ness oh so happy!)

• Stuffed Poblano Peppers
• Pasta loaded with Veggies and Tomatoes from the garden
• Broccoli and Edamame Soup
• Swiss chard, Chickpeas and Quinoa
• Black Bean Burgers (attempt #4)
• Roasted Chickpea Salad

And that, my friends, is ME: O.C.D.

Go and Be yourself today 🙂